Top 10 Days That Don’t Exist

The popularity of the internet seems to have created random days throughout the world.

Nowadays it seems you can just make up a day, set up a basic website, Digg the site and if enough people think it’s good enough you will have a new annual day of recognition added to the internet savvy world we live in.

Just take September 19th, for example. I excitedly state to my workmates ‘Yarr, it be talk like a pirate day me’earties’, they all wonder what the heck I’m talking about, but many people online know of, and in a small way celebrate, this made up day.

Of course there are days which don’t translate too well to the internet, but do exist in the real life workplace, such as a Take Your Dog To Work Day (the Friday following Father’s day in the US) which many companies do have.

Then you have the days created in an attempt to make an impact, such as the 2007 starter Blog Action Day, and in some instances there is a whole month and not just a day dedicated to something such as the NaNoWriMo which goes on throughout November.

Whether the purpose is to be socially aware, to try and create a global following, to try and get groups of people together or just to entertain, these days do catch on in a big way. With a little viral marketing and a few years under your belt you’re sure to develop a whole cult of followers with new additions every year.

Of course, not all days would succeed. You may think of a day, but nobody else agrees that it is a good idea, or it just doesn’t catch on in some way which means it is never an annual thing followed by anyone other than you and close friends.

The following list contains days that don’t exist (as far as I’m aware) and probably wouldn’t take off if they were to be set up – for various reasons.

10 Turn off your mobile phone day

No Cell PhonesI doubt this would be a popular day, to be honest, as so many people seem to find their phone an extension to their body that they don’t want to give up. It’ll be like having a ‘don’t use your left arm day’.

Saying that, there was a time when we didn’t have them at all and we had to make do with a normal telephone. Over 56 billion text messages were sent in the UK in 2007 (up from 42 billion in 2006) – with nearly three hundred million of those being sent on New Year’s Eve. Whatever happened to people just hugging and kissing those nearby instead of reaching for the piece of plastic and sending a text to everyone in their address book. It clogs up the system and prevents real emergencies from being reported.

I would like to walk through the streets of London and see people queuing up to use the red telephone boxes; afterall, the only purpose they serve now is as a photo opportunity for tourists.

I would like to sit on the bus and not have someone near to me shouting their uninteresting news to someone on the other end.

I would like to sit in the cinema and not have the sound of a phone go off, or even the flashing of the screen as people check a message or the time.

In some way it would also be nice to see just how much the operators would lose in one day. Perhaps they would appreciate their customers more if they realised just how important we are to them. They may not take us for granted and try and grab every penny they can from us!

9 Hedgehog awareness day

Hedgehog More people need to be aware of hedgehogs. Afterall, apart from reading this post, when was the last time you gave just a glancing thought towards these spiky little critters?

In 2007 the humble hedgehog was voted the #1 Environmental Icon in England and Wales, and we should not let this fact disappear as quickly as the species is. With a fifth of the hedgehog population dying out every 4 years, we could have no hedgehogs in Britain by the year 2025 – which is a shame when they are a great and natural form of pest control in the garden.

These amazing little creatures also share several diseases with humans; which include liver disease, cardiovascular disease and cancer. Make sure they don’t suffer in silence and take the necessary steps to help your local hedgehogs thrive – check out the British Hedgehog Preservation Society for ways to prevent them coming to harm in your garden, and also to learn how to care about them should you find a sick one.

8 Wear a diaper to work day

Man in Diaper Toilet breaks have often been a cause of disputes in the workplace. Some people need the toilet more than others – fact. Some people would see that as someone not working as hard as they are themselves; some people don’t care. Yet there was a famous case a couple of years ago where Ford Motor Co. cracked down on toilet breaks and started timing staff for the length they were away from the production line with penalties being enforced for repeat offenders. More recently, a UK meat company decided to stop paying staff for their breaks, as a quick trip to the loo could take ten minutes due to the amount of protective gear staff were wearing.

Why not have one day a year where this isn’t an issue to anyone by wearing a diaper to work? Surely everyone will be at their most productive if they can sit at their desk and relieve themselves without having to make a trip to the bathroom?

Nobody will feel like their colleagues aren’t pulling their weight if you can’t tell when someone is actually taking a bathroom break (except perhaps by the smell or satisfying smile on the face of someone close by), and any quick changes can be done during the regular lunch period.

7 Talk in a foreign language day

Foreign Languages What a great way to learn a new language this would be! Well, perhaps it would be if you were speaking to someone who was responding in the language you were hoping to learn…otherwise if you’re speaking to someone in French and they are responding in Mexican you may not get the most out of it. Still, probably a very good team building excercise and a way to learn how to communicate more in the workplace – and possibly a lot of fun if you work in a call center.

If this was a real day I would most certainly go for French as that’s the language I would most like to learn. I would sidle up to someone who speaks French and just talk and talk hoping to learn a little something from it. If everyone was doing it, then you wouldn’t seem like a fool which is what happens just now when I try and learn a language.

I would need to see the guidelines created for this day to determine exactly what was and wasn’t allowed, but I also imagine it would be fun if barking or meiowing were classed as a foreign language. I would quite like to spend a day barking at people whilst gesturing wildly…top fun.

6 Panic buy Cans of Tomatoes day

Panic Buy Tomatoes I think it would be quite amusing if everyone who went to the shops bought several cans of tomatoes as if it were the last time they would be able to buy them. Of course they would quickly run out so everyone who went in afterwards would have to ask the shop assistants in a fearful way whether they had any in the back, or where else nearby they may be able to buy some, or if they would get anymore in soon. It’s not that I like to confuse people who work in the shops, only…well – I do really.

Panic buying would be possible with pretty much anything, but panic buying cans of tomatoes makes more sense than a lot of other things – such as carrots or toilet paper. They are relatively easy to store and won’t go off for ages, for a start. Plus, they make an excellent base for many meals so you would be able to make use of them over time, they are rich in vitamin A and C, and they add a splash of vibrant colour to even the most bland looking meal. You really should include tomatoes in your 5-a-day!

5 Kiss an old age pensioner day

Kiss a pensioner Here’s a day with an edge, and with so many decisions to make so that you don’t get arrested. Which OAP is the best to go for, where should be to find the attractive ones, where should you kiss them, and so on? I think for this one you need to go for a quick hit…give them a quick kiss on the forehead and then run away. I doubt you could get caught but some of them do hold walking sticks and still have a bit of a reach on them.

The Post Office is probably the best place to go for. There are always lots of oldies collecting their pensions or buying a few stamps. They’re all in a row too, so if you were feeling brave you could probaby pucker up to a few of them before they even realised what was happening.

Remember though, no fondling…and no planting a surprise one on your grandad!

4 Dress like an animal day

Dress like a lion How cool would it be to dress like your favourite animal for a day? Unless your favourite animal is a naked mole rat as they’re just ugly! Just imagine walking down the street and seeing everyone in an animal costume. There you are, standing in your Giraffe outfit, walking past Elephants, Gorillas, Penguins and a whole host of other animals.


Also, it would be a great way to meet people. Imagine you met a girl giraffe as you were walking down the street in matching outfit. Already you know you have something in common with both liking giraffes; a lion rounds the corner and you both run away to avoid attack, taking refuge behind a bus shelter. Kinda romantic, huh?

Although, should things progress and you do manage to find a mate during this special day (and let’s face it, you’ll have the ‘what shall we do for our anniversar?’ question in the bag), do take off your outfit before doing the deed. Otherwise I understand there are a whole bunch of people like you, going by the name of furries.

Say no to furries!
3 Pretend you’re a ninja day

Niiiin-jaLet’s face it, you’re not a ninja. I’m not a ninja either, and I’m okay with that. I know I’ll never be a ninja either…not a real one. Still…where”s the harm in pretending that I am one?

There is no harm…that’s why ‘Pretend You’re a Ninja Day’ would be so damn cool.

Of course, I’m not 100% sure what a ninja actually does, as they’re quite sneaky and seem to keep themselves to themselves. I imagine, though, that an average ninja day would be something along the following lines:

5:30 – wake up; for some reason I imagine ninjas wake up really really early to make the most of the day and do their first bit of sneaking around before normal people wake up; shower, put on ninja outfit.

5:45 – eat a hearty breakfast…like porridge. I doubt there are any Scottish ninjas, but they probably eat porridge for the slow release of energy.

6:00 – wash the breakfast pans and dishes – for to be a ninja is to be clean and clutter free.

6:15 – noon – leave the house and do ninja stuff. This will involve standing in the park watching squirrels (behind a tree though, as a ninja avoids detection at all times), standing at the pond watching ducks (behind a bin though, as a ninja avoids detection at all times), and standing on rooftops watching pigeons (the rooftop is an automatic hidey place, so the ninja can stand in the open and still avoid detection).

A ninja does not stand in the playground watching children. This is a rookie mistake and will get you arrested!

Noon – lunch. I imagine a ninja is partial to a Salade Nicoise.

1:00 – 4:00 – go see an old movie. The cinema will give excellent cloaking skills to the ninja, who in turn can practice sitting still and being quite – both top qualities of being an excellent and learned ninja.

4:00 – 7:00 – assist the public. Ninjas can perform many everyday tasks to make the community a better place. These include carrying bags for old people, walking dogs or washing cars. Though a ninja likes to be undetected, it is also important to show your worth in the community – otherwise a ninja will swiftly be seen as a vigilante.

7:00 – 8:00 – Dinner. A nice pasta dish, followed by chocolate mousse.

8:00 – wash the dinner plates.

8:30 – watch an episode of Friends, for it is important for a ninja to relax and to laugh.

9:00 – bed time, for tomorrow will be another early start, and busy day.

2 Adopt A Hobo Day

Adopt-a-hobo Most people sympathise with those less fortunate, and this is especially so with homeless people. It’s horrible to see someone having to sleep on the streets and go hungry, and due to the social barrier it creates it’s very often necessary to cross the street as you approach them rather than walk past and hear their cry for help.

But what can be done about it? Hobos take up so much room in the house if you invite them to stay that it’s just not a viable solution…plus there is the chance that you take home a bad one and they end up stealing all of your stuff.

Adopt a Hobo day would help you to do your bit for society and reduce the risk of having your worldly possessions robbed by these lazy layabouts.

Simply pick up a hobo on the way to work and have them sit in the office, perahps doing a little filing or making coffee for co-workers. You’ll be doing your bit for society and making the hobo feel like they are integrating once more into a normal life, giving them a sound foundation for them to re-build their life from.

After work you can take them out to dinner and learn all about their life, and where they went wrong in order to find themselves on the street. You can share any experiences from your childhood you may have in common, and learn essential tips for how to survive should you accidentally lock yourself out of the house one night.

Then after a lovely meal you can drop them off at the bus stop, or wherever it is they call home, and then depart, safe in the knowledge that they won’t know where you live, and with a happy heart at the thought of your good deed and the fact you made someone’s life a little bit better, if only for one day.

1 Bring A Celebrity To Work Day

Bring a Celebrity to Work Day I think it would be awesome if you could take a celebrity to work for the day – and much better than those stupid, ‘Bring your child/pet/kitchen appliance to work’ days that you usually get.

Sure, there may be a small issue with double bookings – as I’m sure more than one person would want to take Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie to work with them…but it really could work if planned right.

The biggest question would be who to take?

Sure, you could go for that actress you’ve always fancied, but you must remember that you’re in the office to work and so drooling over Scarlett Johansson probably isn’t going to be the most productive day…unless you’re in a job where you need a lot of saliva. If you work as a stamp licker go right ahead and take her with you.

No, I think I would need to find someone who’s intelligent and actually quite a hard worker…which is where this plan falls on it’s face. I know nothing about celebrities, only about the characters they play in movies.

Example, Leonardo DiCaprio seemed quite intelligent and creative in Catch Me If You Can…just what we need for the accounting department….but then he was a bit out of control in The Basketball Diaires, and a little bit stupid in What’s Eating Gilbert Grape – so I cannot judge what he would be like in an office environment!

I need a hardworker…someone who will get down to the grind and slave away for the day.

Perhaps a famous slave?

Maybe I should go for Kirk Douglas? Do you think he can type?

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